2020 Resolutions, Revised For 2021

I’ve tweaked my 2020 New Year’s resolution list to better reflect the realities of 2021. 

• Lose five twenty-five pounds.

• Exercise daily my right to watch 90-Day Fiancé all day in bed. While eating Stacy’s Pita Chips.  What?  They’re baked!

• Try to meditate shower twice a week.

• Read a New Yorker article Watch a TikTok from start to finish.

• Eat more greens my feelings.

• Limit alcohol intake.  NO FUCKING WAY.

• Organize kids’ artwork COVID tests.

• Go to tailor for alterations elastic waistband store.

• Start wearing sunscreen anything other than sweatpants.

• Keep a daily gratitude journal six feet away from everyone and everything at all times.

• Make amends no plans.

• Make peace no plans.

• Make more no plans.

• Make love more often no promises.

• Renew passport Hulu subscription.

• RSVP to nothing at all.

• Eat out less often. Not a problem.

• Tell people your true feelings.  DO NOT.

• Dance Weep like no one’s watching.

• Make self-care a fully stocked liquor cabinet a priority.

• Be kinder to Do not murder my husband.

• Drink more water.

• Find a therapist Write more blogs.