It's So Hard To Tweet Goodbye
Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump replying to Joe Biden @JoeBiden
You think I’m leaving? Ha! You’re going to have to pry the keys from my tiny, tiny hands.
Concede? Gimme a break. I’m already the most conceded President in history.
Whatever. Take the job. Take my sloppy seconds, Joe. That’s what I call it: Sloppy. Seconds.
If I go, so do all of the Ted Nugent mixtapes!
There has never been a bigger, really it’s HUGE, it’s historic, really, the people tell us this kind of thing has never-been-seen, the stealing, really it’s a robbery, a heist. Robbin’ Joe, they call you. The robbing of an election. Illegal votes… Message from Twitter: This claim about election fraud is disputed.
I was going to say that you’re never getting us out of here but oddly, I see that Melania’s closets are already empty.
If you think getting me out of the White House is hard, wait’ll you try getting the self-tanner off the sheets.
Nevada? Nevada??? I mean, what are the odds?
Let me be honest, this job was not my type.
Rats. Next term, I was really prepared to show my softer side.
Good luck, Joe. And by that, I mean, good luck finding that old fish I tucked into the Oval Office couch cushions.
Pardon me, Joe, but, really, what I mean is, just that: You’re going to have to pardon me, Joe.
Home Alone 3, baby!
Listen, Joe. I promoted the birther myth and called Mexicans rapists. I fucked a porn star without a condom while my wife was pregnant. I am homophobic, xenophobic and transphobic. I tried to build a wall and instituted a Muslim travel ban. I bragged about sexually assaulting women and was accused multiple times of inappropriate sexual behavior. I didn’t release my taxes, support the arts, take care of the Earth and denied climate change. I ended press conferences and degraded the Fifth Estate. I ridiculed the handicapped, separated young children from their parents, praised white supremacists, spewed racist dogma, rage-tweeted conspiracy theories, called fallen soldiers suckers and losers, minimized and mishandled a deadly virus, destroyed global alliances and was the first president in a century without a dog. Which, all by itself, should have been a huge tip-off. So, with all that, I ask you: Didya really think I was a man who would concede graciously?
Covfefe and out!
