Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump replying to Joe Biden @JoeBiden

• You think I’m leaving? Ha!  You’re going to have to pry the keys from my tiny, tiny hands.

• Concede?  Gimme a break. I’m already the most conceded President in history.

• Whatever. Take the job.  Take my sloppy seconds, Joe.  That’s what I call it: Sloppy. Seconds.

• If I go, so do all of the Ted Nugent mixtapes!

• There has never been a bigger, really it’s HUGE, it’s historic, really, the people tell us this kind of thing has never-been-seen, the stealing, really it’s a robbery, a heist.  Robbin’ Joe, they call you.  The robbing of an election.  Illegal votes… Message from Twitter: This claim about election fraud is disputed.

• I was going to say that you’re never getting us out of here but oddly, I see that Melania’s closets are already empty.

• If you think getting me out of the White House is hard, wait’ll you try getting the self-tanner off the sheets.

• Nevada? Nevada??? I mean, what are the odds?

• Let me be honest, this job was not my type.

• Rats.  Next term, I was really prepared to show my softer side.

• Good luck, Joe.  And by that, I mean, good luck finding that old fish I tucked into the Oval Office couch cushions.

• Pardon me, Joe, but, really, what I mean is, just that: You’re going to have to pardon me, Joe.

• Home Alone 3, baby!

• Listen, Joe.  I promoted the birther myth and called Mexicans rapists.  I fucked a porn star without a condom while my wife was pregnant.  I am homophobic, xenophobic and transphobic. I tried to build a wall and instituted a Muslim travel ban. I bragged about sexually assaulting women and was accused multiple times of inappropriate sexual behavior. I didn’t release my taxes, support the arts, take care of the Earth and denied climate change. I ended press conferences and degraded the Fifth Estate. I ridiculed the handicapped, separated young children from their parents, praised white supremacists, spewed racist dogma, rage-tweeted conspiracy theories, called fallen soldiers suckers and losers, minimized and mishandled a deadly virus, destroyed global alliances and was the first president in a century without a dog.  Which, all by itself, should have been a huge tip-off.  So, with all that, I ask you: Didya really think I was a man who would concede graciously?

• Covfefe and out!