Falling Ahead
The air is crisp. The birds have flown south. The Scuttle Hole roundabout traffic is no longer backed up to Quogue, and the “CLOSED” sign hanging in Round Swamp’s window makes you want to kick yourself for not buying more Detox salad when you had the chance. These are signs impossible to ignore: Summer 2022 is over and OUT. It’s Fall. Or perhaps you say autumn. Either way, it’s only a minute before you need cranberry sauce and moisturizer for extremely chapped skin. But look on the bright side - long autumn weekends in the Hamptons still abound with possibilities! Rosé all day still exists if you’re creative. Drink in a chunky sweater!
Fall rosé all day means making peace with having your kids at home to watch you drink, but on the plus side, the kids will see Mommy’s frown turn upside down and learn that daddies can drive carpool, too. Or if drinking in front of your kids isn’t your thing, involve them in quintessentially Hamptons activities like pumpkin picking. Wear a chunky sweater! Pumpkin picking is great family fun once you get past the exorbitant cost of pumpkins and the feeling you’re being duped because those pumpkins are grown in New Jersey and trucked to Southampton, a fact you keep from the kids because they’re already contending with the whole Mommy rosé-all-day situation.
Perhaps better, take the family to the beach. Wear a chunky sweater! If shark sightings kept you away this summer, now’s your chance. I’m pretty sure sharks hibernate or got to Miami for the winter…though don’t quote me on that. The beaches are safe. Except the ones with the seals. Do not touch the beached seals. Thye’re not sick or dead and they will bite and they are rabid and if you want to know how I know all this please DM me privately.
Me, I’m more a shoe made for the city, so my Fall is about the great indoors. This is my time to get organized! I need to find out why I just randomly find nails and screws lying on the floor throughout my home. I’ve amassed them in my messy kitchen drawer with greasy old pennies and masks that could probably be worn one more time. Figuring out what to do with these items is at the top of my to-do list, along with calling about that insurance claim, scheduling meditation time, journaling, buying a journal, scheduling time to journal, brushing my dog’s teeth and buying the Goop soap Gwyneth Paltrow uses because, damn, that woman looks 24. I feel a real connection to Gwyneth because we both have children the same age, are both Coldplay fans (I’m assuming), are longtime Tracy Anderson devotees, and once I almost ran over her mother, the great actress, Blythe Dancer, at the Hamptons Film Festival. Which, by the way, is another fantastic Fall activity! Support the arts! Wear a chunky sweater! Gwyneth, call me.
