You've Changed

You’re staring at me. 

I look different, don’t I?  I’d go as far as saying that I’ve utterly transformed myself.  After decades of being weighed down by dissatisfaction with my appearance, I finally said, “No more.”  And now, as you can see, I’ve shed my old looks and…well, here I am. The new me!  Such a metamorphosis, am I right?

You’re wondering how I pulled this off.  How could I make such a dramatic change so quickly??  How is it possible to utterly transform oneself? 

In short, you’re wondering how in the world did I go from having a full head of thick frizzy brunette hair to having the long flaxen blond, stick-straight locks of a Barbie doll? 

Hiking.

I’ve been hiking.

I know it sounds crazy, even unbelievable, especially for my fellow hikers, but I guess I just stepped it up a lot more than you.  I just really committed myself and the more I hiked, the blonder, straighter and more lustrous my hair became.  I am now able to wear the kinds of hair accessories once off-limits to my bushy dark pouf.  I wear these hair accoutrements all the time when I’m hiking.  And if I didn’t mention it already, I am really into hiking.

Going from a brunette frizzbomb to blond bombshell has afforded me a whole new audience of people awestruck by my appearance.  And that is why my social media content has been edited to feed the appetites of my newfound fanbase.  My hair is now the mainstay of my content to the exclusion of almost everything else...I mean I could wish happy birthday to my kid and bore you all to tears or I could take photos at the gym with my hair up and then more with my hair down.  All these years posting on social media, I have never received so many clicks and likes and reposts.  I mean, who am I… Adele?  Please.  It’s still just humble old me…although a me who looks a lot more like Margot Robbie than I used to.  And though there are more than a fair share of angry comments questioning the source of my transformation, I just stand in my truth and tell them what I’m telling you.

It's hiking.

Only hiking.

I would tell you more about my hiking journey but really it’s easier if we all just act like I was always blond and always an elite hiker, despite living on the island of Manhattan and having a full time driver.  Plus, this conversation gets me agitated and I’ve got to get going.  To hike. I’m thoroughly committed to hiking, as I may have mentioned, plus I’ve heard that if I miss a hike, my blond hair may fall out and I’m at risk for stroke and anal leakage.  So la-di-da.  Off I go.  To hike.  Just to hike.